I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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