I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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