mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
