I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
