you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
