I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why are your pants in the freezer?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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