so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
