i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
