I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
