I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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