I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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