I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
