Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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