I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
