Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think a kid would responsible me up
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
