Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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