You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
