He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
