I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We got so high we made milksteak
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
