Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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