So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
