do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
