I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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