dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize