Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
