Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
