worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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