If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize