they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
