Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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