hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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