how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
