In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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