Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
