i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
