just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
