So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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