I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
