i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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