I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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