you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
