she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
