wrigley field is MILF paradise
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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