Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
