ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we have officially lost it.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Randomize
