Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka

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(419): View more from Ohio

Why is your signature on my underwear?

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.

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(310): View more from California

how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.

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(207): View more from Maine

She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight

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(203): View more from Connecticut

a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.

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(912): View more from Georgia

That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.

(715): View more from Wisconsin

I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.

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