So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You're like the curious george of whores
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize