i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
