threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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