First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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