Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
