My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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