we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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