He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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