you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
