Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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