I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
