im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
