we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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