Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
