dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
