fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize