EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
