I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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