She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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