I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
