look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
