fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
