At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
