if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
