Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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