I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
