YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
