I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
