At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
