Hey man sorry I got all grabby
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You can't just leave with hair like that
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
