so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize