Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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