Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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