did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
