She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
All I want is dick and wine.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
