got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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